i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
