i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Me too!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
