There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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