508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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