if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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