I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
