he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
