Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So much rum. So many feels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
