She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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