So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
