dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
