I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
