Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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