Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize