1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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