I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
