Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize