And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
