just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wear drunk well.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
