I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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