You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
