Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize