if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
