Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
