Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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