So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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