I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
