and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
