i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
