He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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