ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
