oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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