ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
