I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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