i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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