We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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