He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize