so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize