Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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