You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
