I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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