I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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