she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
