duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
