Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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