i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
