I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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