12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
