Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
