I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
