So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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