I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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