i think i have two assholes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize