And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize