she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
