very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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