I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
