Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
