I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
