WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
