dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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