I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
