I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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