the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
