I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize