Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
