FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
