Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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