The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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