I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
