if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
