return my video game
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
